survivor.

Had my annual checkup today with my oncologist. It’s always a weird day. Even though I’m years out from the ovarian cancer and everything is totally fine, just walking into that building makes my chest tight. I always wear my favorite 1930s-style slip dress under a black cardigan when I go, like it’s some kind of lucky armor. The appointment went great, clean bill of health, but it drains me emotionally. I spent the afternoon just wandering around the city. I thought about how much my life has changed since I was sick. The divorce from Jon in 2019 happened right in the middle of the fallout from all of that, when everything was just so raw and messed up. The fact that he thought I was unfaithful still stings sometimes, even though we’ve hashed it out and are trying again now. Trauma is just messy. I didn’t go to work, just came home, crawled into bed, and watched Sabrina the Teenage Witch until I fell asleep.